Is LETTING GO a SOLUTION???

Sometime in July last year (2008)..i let my heart speak kung ano ang pinagdadaanan ko during those times..I made a choice..FRIENDSHIP (tama di ba?) pero sa kabilang banda ikaw pa rin ang sinisigaw ng puso ko..I stand of what i know is happiness despite of everything..

BUT two months ago..i had a major decision that changed my (love) story..Totoo pala na pag malapit nang dumating ang oras ng tunay na pagle-let go..

I was the one who initiated the move (hmp..lagi naman ako nagi-initiate..)..kasi nakikita ko mas lalo syang nahihirapan with the situation..kahit sabihin nyang hindi..ramdam ko..

Prior to this..we had an exchange of text messages..i said sorry to him sa pangungulit ko..i know naging selfish ako dahil sa nararamdaman ko & akala ko naiintindihan ko sya sa pinagdadaanan nya pero hindi pala..so sagot nya "ok lang..i just don't want make things hard for u..i thank u for loving me..but there's life waiting for you.."

So sinagot ko uli.."yes i know there's life waiting for me..Love is free will & not a commitment..It's a choice given to people despite of the life they've chosen..& i believe u're one of those.."..

2 days after..eto na..hindi na ako mapakali..i knew hindi na tama..so i prayed..i prayed to God to guide me kung anong gagawin ko next..so i decided to send him a text message..there's a sudden outburst deep inside me na hindi ko maintindihan so i cried...ung luha ko..tuloy-tuloy..nagulat nga ako kasi ang dami pala nun...ung kinimkim kong sari-saring emotions nandun..bago ko nacompose ung message..it took me to 2 hrs para mabuo ko..pinakamahirap gawin ang mag-let go lalo't mahal mo ang isang tao..pero kelangan eh...oo nga happy ako kasi naibabahagi ko ung love na un (inspirasyon ko pa) pero sa kabilang banda...may mas lalong nahihirapan kasi hindi nya maibalik ung love na binibigay ko..& that made me realize eto na ung time to let him go...

Feb19..1517hrs
-Grace's heart wants to tell u that.."i thank for the concern u're giving me..she fought a lot of battles with me..this "battle" is my priceless one..y?because eventhough there were a lot of hard times..i still chose to love u kasi i believe u deserved it..But sori to say, u did not believe. Am so hurt...really hurt...i will end this by letting u Go kc Grace loves u so much..Sobrang sakit but she does not want things more harder for u..thanks for everything.."

Then he replied.."I believe in our friendship but i dont approve the way you love me..At the end, you will only suffer bcos i can't return dat love.Kaibigan kita ayokong masaktan ka dahil sa 'kin..Don't let me go because it's hard for me.It's not.let's face things squarely.Let go of ur feelings becos they don't help you..u are hurt becos i dont respond to ur feelings because i can't..Grace, let go your feelings for me because that's whats best for u.It's also best for our friendship.."

I answered back "I will let go of u for a while..Need a lot of time to heal & change this heart..pagbalik ko d na kita iiwanan."

He answered.."Cge lang if that what it takes..Love urself Grace & be sure of what u want in life"..

My final answer.."I know what i want in life BUT that's not what i need..Wag ka na malungkot..Will get through this.."

..Akala ko loving him will make him happy (kahit konti) & help him sa mga nararamdaman nyang lungkot or paghihirap..sandalan..BUT it's the other way around...that's why i got hurt...sabi ko nga...i don't get hurt..i can't be hurt..i've never been hurt this much..just now..(Miggy ikaw ba yan! hehe)

A saving angel with a very Big Heart shared me something.."Para sa taong malawak ang pananaw, kaya niyang sabihin sa nagkakamali, “Okay lang yan, ang tinitignan ko yung mas malaking bagay ng iyong pag-mamahal sa Diyos at sa akin.”

Saka ito..winner!

ü You will know the size of your mind by the size of things that make you angry and the size of things you can give to people who matter to you.

ü Your mind and heart should be big enough so many things may become small.

With this experience..i realized how powerful my heart is...napakaliit pero ibang klase..hindi pwedeng turuan kasi may sariling mundo..matapang..masaktan man..Go pa rin..kahit sandamakmak na ung luhang lumalabas..pasaway pa rin..
PERO..kahit sobrang aggressive..marunong magbigay..lalayo sandali..para magrecharge & i-accept ang lahat nang hindi pwede..& kung anek-anek pa..

As of now..am still in the process of moving on (and on..)...meron pa ring kirot..minsan..pagkagising ko umiiyak na lang ako.. tapos tulala..nag-iisip..nakikiramdam..balik uli sa reality..parang walang nangyari..papasok sa office..after 8 -10 hours..uuwi..kakain..matutulog...

It will pass..just be strong c",) yes it will pass kasi meron akong mga kaibigang handang makinig (kahit paulit-ulit) & tumulong sa akin :) & si BRO! Alam ko hindi nya ako papabayaan..learning the hard way :)

Now tell me...Is LETTING GO a SOLUTION???